How We Should Raise Our Sons and Daughters

"I just don't want a lot of daughters."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to have to beat up a lot of guys who are interested in them when they're older."

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"It's not her I don't trust. It's any boy she likes that I don't trust."

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"All teenage boys think about one thing. I know because I used to be one."

I have heard these lines and conversations pretty much word for word, some multiple times, in my fairly short lifetime (although, let's be real and point out that that last one is impossible). Most of the time they are uttered by fathers about or to their daughters. That teenage boys will at the least break a girl's heart and at the most push them to do immoral things is not treated as a question, but rather as a certainty. That is, unless the father manages to step in before too much damage has been done. Because this is such a recurring theme, I've thought on it enough to find three problematic views this trend perpetuates:

1. Boys are a danger to girls.

Whenever I hear the above sentences, they are uttered as absolute statements. In fact, they are stated similarly to the way that "Boys will be boys" is stated, as if there is nothing that anyone can do to change the way the male sex acts. This begs two questions.

The first: what kind of epidemic has to hit a society in such a way that we "know" how a whole group will behave? What factors combined to cause such a sure behavior? The second: why do we treat a whole group of human beings as if they cannot use the rational nature they were born with to act in a respectful manner?

As a bonus question, would we treat any other group in the same way? Would we adopt the phrase "Girls will be girls" if we saw that there had been a great increase of female-on-male assault? Would we tell Johnny that Susie likes him, that's why she pulled his hair at recess?

2. The only way that a boy will not be a danger to a girl is if another male presence is involved.

"No kissing boys" is the motto of my step-father, who began to recite the words when I was in middle school. As if I cared that boys existed. The majority of my middle school days were spent at sleepovers watching horror films and eating chocolate ice cream. Sure, I had friends who started to see boys as "cute," rather than "another student I need to beat at test scores." Nevertheless, I was cautioned from an early age to avoid messy situations...before I even knew what a messy situation could be.

I should feel bad for my step-father, considering he has only daughters and probably had miniature crises when my sister and I got to our teenage years. But a part of me doesn't want to feel bad. A part of me wants to demand that no father ever has to joke about getting his gun when a boy asks his daughter out. Some would say this is my overly positive idealism coming out. Some would say that isn't reality. It isn't realistic to expect boys to know how to respect girls. It isn't realistic to expect fathers not to have to stress themselves out protecting their daughters.

3. Sometimes, even (2) is not the case.

Sometimes, after the worry and stress spent over what could happen to a girl, we completely drop the ball. People figure, "It's going to happen anyway. Might as well have it happen with the least possible consequences." ("It" being a relationship, heartbreak, sex...) So now parents listen attentively to their ten year old girls talk about the boy they're dating. Now mothers put their daughters on birth control pills years before a sexual situation arises. Now fathers watch their daughters become withdrawn after boyfriends cheat on or break up with them. Instead of offering guidance and protection, families and society say that it is inevitable that girls will get hurt by boys, so we may as well just accept it now.

This is normal?

Why, when faced with this problem, do we choose to stand by and watch it unfold? If a fire starts in our house, do we not try to put it out before it can swallow our home? How much more precious are our families than our homes? Surely if they are more precious, they need our protection and care, too. If we would put out a fire, install smoke alarms and call firefighters, why wouldn't we take similar precautions with the people we love?

But we shouldn't just say that men are at fault. Women are capable of immoral acts and attitudes as well (hi, yes, I am female and I'm totally a crappy human being at times). I've seen and heard both sexes inappropriately gesture toward or comment on the opposite sex. To be honest, it gets a bit juvenile after a while. Perhaps a better way to put it is, it gets a bit base. This issue is about human kind.

So what do we do?

1. Raise our sons well.

Instead of accepting the bizarre present way of things, we ought to counteract it. Let's teach our sons the virtues. Let's teach them to be mindful and self-controlled when they interact with women. Let's teach them that women are not objects, amusements or conquests. Let's teach them chastity (and not just in regard to the physical, but the emotional as well). Let's teach them to be wise in their actions and courageous in the face of public opinion which would oppose them. We should raise our sons to see that "the dignity of the human person is rooted in the image and likeness of God." (CCC 1700)

2. Raise our daughters well.

Let's teach our daughters the virtues. Let's teach them to be mindful and self-controlled when they interact with men. Let's teach them that men are not objects, amusements or conquests. Let's teach them chastity, both physical and emotional. Let's teach them to be wise in their actions and courageous in the face of public opinion which would oppose them. We should raise our daughters to see that "the dignity of the human person is rooted in the image and likeness of God." (CCC 1700)

Let's not be content with "that's just the way it is," but instead change the way it is.